It’s funny how denial can be such a powerful thing. I was in denial when I looked in the mirror. Looking at myself- sure, I have chubby cheeks, shoulders are a bit broad, and i have a tummy, but it’s not THAT bad, right? WRONG!
I went to my gynecologist 2 months ago. She gave me a whole earful about being 1. Overweight 2. prediabetic 3. having high cholesterol 4. high blood pressure. “Dr.Wong, I’m not really overweight, AM I?” With a look of disappointment and dismay, the room was filled with the loudest silence ever. I shuddered after she let out a huge sigh and said “32 bmi basically means you’re obese. You’re prediabetic and you need to do something about it now”. WHAT THE FFFF? I couldn’t believe it. Well, I mean, I know I’m a bit chubby but this is just unbelievable. How? When? Why?
I got home and sat on the couch, wondering what went wrong. I started contemplating. I used to be a size 2 in jeans and wore extra small. Over the years, I’ve been slowly gaining weight. But in the past year, I lost my job and ever since then, the depression made me feel lethargic and lazy and I made best friends with the couch and netflix. I hardly moved. I didnt feel the urge to go out and meet with others. I was just waiting for the time to pass. I wasn’t into cooking and so my bf would opt to go pick up some fast food and he always knew what number I liked “babe, mcdonalds #1 with big mac and large fries? What about a sundae? or should I pick up Wendys #4 jumbo jack with extra cheese and large curly fries?”
TIME FOR A CHANGE-
I’m tired of going to the fitting room and ripping off tight clothes. I hate it when people say “oh you’d be so pretty if you lost weight”. And I loathe it when people feel the need to move out of the way by 5 feet when I am walking past by them, fearing that I’m going to bump into their chair. And most of all, i hate looking in the mirror and being in denial . Yes, denial is the worst! You deny yourself from the truth because you’re afraid of feeling embarrassment and shame. I am no longer in denial because I can accept the truth and I am dealing with it.